


Voicemail

by baekyuu



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, HunHan - Freeform, Light Angst, M/M, it's my first ao3 fic i'm dead, subconscious rejection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 18:46:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7982206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekyuu/pseuds/baekyuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luhan’s gone and the only thing Sehun has left of him were his voicemails.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voicemail

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seludelu/iqa](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=seludelu%2Fiqa).



> inspired by being frustrated of my calls never being picked up. unbeta-ed.

It’s been a while.

Actually, a ‘while’ seems to be an understatement. It’s a long time—but Sehun would always think of it ‘ _forever’_. Good thing they were drinking to celebrate their recent success, too—not in public, though. Baekhyun had always been a terrible drinker and he’s perfectly capable of conjuring two billion scandals in one night, and he’d probably take a sip and attempt to fondle everyone’s balls the next. Plus, a drunk Baekhyun and no-good Chanyeol combined together is never a good idea. Oh, and that time Yixing downed his shot and started shimmying out of his clothes the minute after? Bad idea. Sehun shook his head at the memory.

So they’re drinking in the dorm in the biggest room. Now they’re sort of mindless drunks. Yixing had begun to spin a really sad story about how he broke his piano to the wall, and Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s completely wasted, leaning onto each other and talking about how funny Junmyeon looks with a dick drawn on his face (he’ll definitely whoop their asses one by one in the morning). Jongdae’s making out with Minseok’s arm whilst the latter’s passed out on the couch and god knows what Jongin is doing with the desk.

The only one seemingly sober with enough sense was Kyungsoo, who was nursing his drink, the ice having already melted away and the alcohol now warm in his hands. Sehun had always thought Kyungsoo was the eldest—he had always acted like an older brother and was mature with mostly everything, even offering up to stay sober to assist everyone should they feel sick or anything even though they’re supposed to let loose of their celebrity personas and celebrate.

Kyungsoo’s eyes fall to the youngest member of the group. Abandoning his drink, he carefully steps over _dick-drawn-all-over-his-face_ Kim Junmyeon and sits down next to Sehun, the couch sinking underneath the added weight. Sehun’s staring mindlessly into space, subconsciously rocking his smartphone back and forth in his hands. Sehun jerks and shudders when he feels Kyungsoo’s hand rub soothingly at the back of his neck.

“You look solemn.” Kyungsoo says softly, and Sehun had always appreciated how kind his voice sounds despite being dubbed as the group’s most evil member. “You’re usually the most eager one to get your hands all over the drinks.”

“That was when I hit legal age. I was always eager to grab hold of the alcohol.” Sehun mumbles. “Besides, even during those times I’ve sneaked out to have a few drinks… I’d always have someone to drink with me.”

Then it pangs Kyungsoo. Of course Sehun still misses _him_.

“But! But obviously I’m happy about our success!” Sehun blurted out, waving his arms indignantly. He eventually ceases and collapses on the arm of the couch, hiding his face. “… But it’s... it’s just that I…”

Sehun’s shoulders are shaking, and there’s only two times when Sehun’s shoulders are shaking. One, when he’s chortling and laughing uncontrollably (usually at a bad joke that only Sehun regards as funny), and the other time it’s when he’s sobbing—and Kyungsoo’s pretty sure that Sehun’s not laughing because the fact that _the wound’s still raw and it still really hurts_.

“Why don’t you give him a ring?” Kyungsoo rubs his back, jolting slightly when Junmyeon made a loud snort in his sleep and Baekhyun drunkenly guffaws with laughter. “… I mean… he never called us, but… it doesn’t hurt to try, even if we never rang him up in months— _years_ , now…”

When Sehun looks up, there’s fear in his eyes and Kyungsoo could tell that his heart’s trying to leap out of his mouth. He’s shaking, he’s anxious—Kyungsoo knows it almost all too well, but this wasn’t time to tell personal stories. Sehun’s scared—of millions of things. What if _Luhan’s_ mouth spat nothing but fire and hate? Would _Luhan_ even _remember_ Sehun, even though they’ve spent enough memories for a lifetime? Luhan this, Luhan that…

Sehun’s hands are shaking as he scrolls up his contacts in his phone. His fingers tremor as he hits dial and he holds it up to his ear, anticipating for the worst. He swallows as he expects a spitfire of profanities shouted at him, but it only went straight into voicemail and he visibly flinches when Luhan’s cheery mandarin fills his ear.

“ _Hello, this is Luhan. If you’re Wu Yifan, thanks for the sneakers, they’re really great. If you’re Huang Zitao, I’d probably say either black or platinum blonde, ‘cause that suits you. If you’re the spokesperson from Forbes—I apologise for forgetting your name—I’m sorry but I have conflicting schedules with your proposed time, so would you mind if we change it onto a later date?_ ”

Sehun grips the phone as Luhan changes into slightly sleepy Korean.

“ _And if you’re Hunnie—I’m still missing you very dearly_.”

Sehun swallows thickly, his hands shaking as he puts down the phone.

“He’s not available.” Sehun mumbles. Kyungsoo’s eyes soften in pity.

“Ah… what a bummer, then.” Kyungsoo nods. “Don’t you want to leave a message?”

“I don’t know, I—“ Sehun rubs his face. The tears fall and he wipes them profusely, forcing down his sobs. “—I don’t—I don’t think I’m ready… yet…”

Kyungsoo nods once again. Sehun bleakly watches as Baekhyun hovers over Junmyeon and shakes table pepper onto his nostrils, in which it effectively made the leader’s eyes fly open and burst out into the loudest sneeze, unfortunately bumping directly into Chanyeol’s forehead in the process of jolting awake. Jongin falls into the most unmanly laughter Sehun has ever heard.

__

“I’m bi.” Baekhyun says, and it’s a slightly rainy day outside and they’re sat in a circle, and Sehun never saw Baekhyun’s face anywhere like this. It’s all scrunched up and serious, not quite like Baekhyun at all, and Sehun couldn’t believe he’s saying this, but he needs that shit-eating grin back on Baekhyun’s face.

The group’s silent, and Baekhyun swallows nervously. Junmyeon scratches his neck.

“Uh—alright.” Junmyeon shrugs. “So? We don’t care if you’re bi, Baekhyun. We’ll always see you just as you are. Your sexuality is nobody’s business unless you’re trying to hit on someone.”

“ _Exactly_. That’s why I came out so I confess to all you guys I’m having the hots for Chanyeol.”

“Wait— _huh_?!” Chanyeol’s jaw drops, his mouth hung open, and he looks incredibly stupid with that facial expression, so completely dumb-struck that the rest of the group started to howl with laughter, Baekhyun especially, slapping his thighs, trying to yelp a ‘ _but I’m serious!_ ’ over his choked laughter. Sehun laughed, too, for a while, until it pangs on him that this reminded him so much of Luhan and himself.

It’d been their first kiss. They’re all tired out from their concert and they’re waiting to take turns in the shower, and everybody knows how Yixing loves to spend time with his rubber-duckies and Baekhyun and Chanyeol had an obsession of comparing their dick sizes in the shower and constantly bickering about it _(‘Accept it, Baekhyun, you’re a disappointing three inches!’ Chanyeol hollered from the shower on day_ ). Sehun’s together with Luhan, lumped into one person on the couch.

Out of nowhere, Luhan’s just kissed him. Sehun’s sleepy eyes flew open back then and he thought maybe Luhan accidentally fell on him—but the elder’s hands were cupping his cheeks and that was definitely on purpose. Sure, Sehun might’ve not kissed back at that point and was still so confused about the situation, but when they separated, all they saw was a naked Yixing in the hallway with a shocked expression in his face.

It was all so sudden and comical and everything was too much to process that Sehun just burst out laughing. Yixing’s timing of habitually forgetting that he lives with eleven other men and therefore he can’t always walk naked freely ‘just because he used to do it when he was younger’ was so funny that the three of them just started laughing.

Then afterwards, after everybody’s cleaned up, they all groggily had dinner. Of course, Yixing being Yixing, pops out of the blue and addresses both Sehun and Luhan whilst his mouth was full of jjajangmyeon, blurting out “So you two are gay?”

It was as if everyone snapped out of their stupor and looked at them both. Luhan laughs uncomfortably and nods, sheepishly scratching his head, confirming the fact. Then all other eleven eyes turned to Sehun and he gulps.

“… I don’t know…” he mumbled. “…. But I… I like Luhan.”

“Aww, _Thehunnie wikes Wuhan_.” Baekhyun mimics his lisp, and everybody soon guffaws in laughter again. A few pats Luhan and Sehun on the back, congratulating them accidentally coming out (thanks to Yixing). But as they went to sleep one by one, Luhan stops him at the hallway when they were alone and he bites his lip.

“… Is it okay?” Luhan whispers.

“What?” Sehun had frowned, before Luhan’s lips were on his. Sehun never kissed anyone before and Sehun’s certainly never planned to kiss another boy in his life, but Luhan’s heart threatens to melt as Sehun makes an effort to try and reciprocate.

“… It’s okay.” Sehun nods. Luhan smiles before he stalks off into his room.

“Good night, Hunnie.” Luhan had said—and the only people who ever called him that was Minseok when he’s being especially brotherly, or Junmyeon when he’s pampering him. But the name was stuck when they began to label each other _boyfriends_ and Sehun hadn’t heard that name roll off the other’s tongue in forever…

The present Sehun in Baekhyun’s poor attempt in hitting Chanyeol and in the midst of Chanyeol’s dumb protests of ‘ _okay, I think I like Baekhyun, but I’m still straight! I’m definitely straight! I’m just a straight guy that likes guys_!’, Sehun leaves the room, his poor heart empty in his hollow chest.

He sits in his room, his legs dangling off the bed. He looks at his phone at the bedside, and checks his notifications, having the slightest glimmer of hope that maybe Luhan attempted to call him back when he saw his miscall. But Luhan never did and Sehun feels emptier than ever.

He looks up his number again and calls it, a little more confident this time. He bites his lip as Luhan’s somewhat awry voice rings out from the phone in his distinctive mandarin.

“ _This is Luhan. If you’re Wu Yifan, we both know who has the most terrible fashion sense between us. If you’re Huang Zitao, Nagoya is a pretty boring place to visit in my opinion. If you’re Yang Mi, we should definitely meet up again sometimes! If you’re Wang Jingchun, congratulations on the new movie cast recruitment!_ ”

Then there’s a pause, and Luhan shifts to Korean again. Sehun grips the phone tightly and he tries to swallow his pride.

“ _And if you’re Hunnie—I’m still missing you very dearly_.”

\--

Sehun sips his bubble tea miserably. Junmyeon said he’d been looking so forlorn lately that he’d bought him the younger’s favourite drink to cheer him up. Sehun’s grateful, but it doesn’t do him much favour—he’s sad previously, and now he’s sad whilst drinking bubble tea.

He couldn’t stand to look at Baekhyun and Chanyeol anymore—the two were the same sides of the magnet that could still find its way to each other, and the two had so much things in common that it hurts Sehun to see them being affectionate. Cuddling on the couch, kissing when they thought nobody’s watching them, stealing secret glances in their concerts, holding hands in public when they’re not ‘ _members of a famous boyband group_ ’ and merely Baekhyun and Chanyeol—it hurts Sehun so much but he doesn’t know how to stop the feeling of ‘hurt’.

“Junmyeon’s lamenting on to us how you’re being a bit on the upsy-down side this week. What’s wrong, sucker?” Baekhyun sits down next to him on the floor, grunting a little, taking a bite of his bowl of strawberries. Sehun could see why Chanyeol had no trouble falling in love with him—yes, he was somewhat of an asshole, but his eyes glimmered and his pouts made his face look soft and cute. Underneath his skin of bitchiness, he was a sweetly empathic person, playful at most times.

“… I’m just feeling down.” Sehun mumbled.

“Ah, are we? C’mon, then, tell Auntie Byun what’s wrong.” Baekhyun said, quirking his eyebrows. Sehun straightens up and sets down his bubble tea, sighing.

“I—“ he began, but the words were stuck on his throat. “I’m—I just— _Luhan_ —“

Then Sehun’s reduced into a sobbing mess, and Baekhyun squeaks in alarm.

“Whoa whoa _whoa_ , Jesus H. Christ, Oh Se _hun_!” Baekhyun hovers over him, holding his trembling frame. “Here, here, c’mon, hug me, you need one. Oh man, Sehun… you really… can’t move on, can you…?”

Sehun tightly embraces the elder, thankful that Baekhyun wasn’t grossed out by him crying out like this. In fact, Baekhyun was sympathetically patting him on the back, stroking his hair soothingly as if he was his own brother.

“… Hey, turn off the waterworks now. Big smile, c’mon, I want to see that _big_ Sehunnie smile.” Baekhyun urges, and whilst Sehun flinches visibly at the nickname, he makes an effort to at least smile a little. At last, Sehun ceases to sniffles and Baekhyun grins at him.

“There you go. Come on, Junmyeon didn’t buy bubble tea for nothing.” Baekhyun nods towards his abandoned drink. He smiles a little sadly this time.

“… Sehun… you know, you don’t always _have_ to move on.” Baekhyun says quietly. “You don’t always have to—but you have to remember that you can’t let it _hurt_ you.”

“… Why do you say that, Baekhyun?” Sehun blinks.

“Oh, you know, I have experience—girls are so exasperating to date, yet they make it haunt for the rest of your life.” Baekhyun groans. Sehun scoffs.

“You’ve dated exactly _one_ girl, Baekhyun.”

“Buh! You’ve got me there.” Baekhyun sheepishly scratches the back of his head and laughs, and Sehun can’t help but wonder that perhaps Baekhyun might’ve struggled to move on too, after all.

He was still a little downhearted, but he was content enough to pick his phone up to try again. Scrolling through his recents and tapping on Luhan’s number, he dials it up again, biting his lip disappointedly when Luhan’s mandarin groggily sounds.

“ _I’m Luhan_ …” the voice sniffles and gulps. _“… If you’re Huang Zitao, please don’t talk about pets, my cat just recently died… if you’re Wu Yifan, I’m sure Tao’s willing to make amends with you… if you’re mom, I was the one who broke the tea set, I’m so sorry. I’ve bought another one for you, I hope it’s okay_ …”

Luhan’s Korean sounds thick through what sounds like sobbing, but it still addresses him nonetheless.

“… _If you’re Hunnie, I’m still missing you very dearly_.”

\--

“ _Nooo_ , Yixing! You’re not going to China _again_!” Baekhyun bawls, and Sehun couldn’t believe that this was the same man he looked up to as a brother. Baekhyun’s hanging onto Yixing’s leg and the latter looks like he’s about to cry too, either from not wanting to leave or Baekhyun’s arms are threatening to pull down his slacks and he’s definitely not going to be exposed naked again (who knows if Yixing doesn’t wear underwear? This is Yixing, after all).

“He’s going to miss his flight, let him go, noodle.” Junmyeon sighs. Baekhyun eventually lets Yixing’s leg go, still sobbing his eyes out (Sehun could hardly believe he was a grown man). Yixing hugs everyone, wiping his tears even though they’ve done this millions of times before. When it was Yixing’s turn to hug him, Yixing pulls him a little closer and whispers in his ear.

“I’ll tell Luhan you said hi if I meet him.” Yixing says, and Sehun nods, close to tears. Yixing smiles and lightly punches his shoulders before he grabs his suitcase, waving goodbye at everyone before the Chinese born-and-bred man leaves, leaving everyone to return to their dorm rooms.

Sehun sighs and collapses on his bed. He mushes his face into the pillow.

It was actually Luhan’s habit—whenever he was upset, he’d always bury his face into the bed, and Luhan rarely ever cries. And Sehun would coax him to get out of that state and they’d just lay in each other’s arms for hour and hours, and whatever problem Luhan had, the latter wouldn’t feel upset about it anymore and he’d have Sehun to thank for it.

When Luhan left, Sehun had done the same—except he carried it on throughout the course of three days without eating or doing anything productive, only getting up for the bathroom. He’d lay there and try to suffocate himself in the pillow until a teary Minseok—who everyone knows, never cries, and Luhan’s closest friend after Sehun—wrenched him up roughly and shouted tearily at him that Luhan’s not going to come back, and he has to stop hurting himself for it.

Sehun did stop, but it didn’t mean that he’d still do it sometimes—suffocate.

Without Luhan, he wasn’t really breathing.

Sehun sighs and shifts until he lies down on his back. He picks up his phone—again—and dials Luhan’s number, clenching the sheets, gritting his teeth, willing for the man to pick up. But it went straight to voicemail and Luhan’s tired voice laments through in mandarin.

“ _Hi… Luhan here… If you’re either Huang Zitao or Wu Yifan… I better see you two already made up, apologised and take a selfie together or something or I’ll whoop both of your asses, personally. If you’re Xu Minghao, you better not be drinking, young man, or I’ll tell your mother on you, child_. _If you’re Wen Junhui, don’t give Minghao a bad example. Please don’t drink in front of him_!”

Luhan yawns in the voicemail and switches to Korean.

“… _If you’re Hunnie, I’m still missing you very dearly_.”

\--

Sehun’s completely knocked out from practice. Groaning eternally, he slumps on the wall as the music stops. The rest seems pretty spent too, either puffing heavy breaths or on the floor, wheezing, same as he is.

“Let’s take a break. Who wants ice tea?” Junmyeon offers, and all hands were raised up. He dashes outside the dance studio, leaving the members exhausted.

Usually, when they were exhausted, Luhan would always groan and collapse atop of Sehun, whining to oblivion. But there’s no Luhan lying down on his legs right now and it hurts Sehun a little—but he fights to compose himself and he lets out a puff of breath. Pulling his phone out from his sweatpants pocket, he excuses himself.

“… I’ll be back real quick, gotta make a phonecall…” Sehun mumbles. He exits the studio and leans on the wall next to the door, fanning himself. He tiredly scrolls through his contacts to find Luhan’s number and he pulls it to his ear, his fist curled as he wills Luhan to pick him up.

Sehun was disappointed when it directed him straight to the voicemail, though he couldn’t help but smile at Luhan’s cheerful mandarin.

“ _Hello, Luhan here! If you’re Wu Yifan and Huang Zitao, I’m glad that you both made up! We should meet up as a three now! If you’re Xu Minghao, I swear to god I don’t know what Seungcheol thinks of you, but please behave well! Best wishes! If you’re Zhang Yixing, I’m sorry I couldn’t answer your calls, but I saw you on the conference premier and even though we didn’t have the chance to talk, the premier was fantastic. I hope you have a safe flight!_ ”

Sehun’s breath hitches.

Luhan switches to Korean.

“ _If you’re Hunnie, I’m still missing you very dearly_.”

Sehun then hears the beep where he’s supposed to leave a message. He swallows.

“I miss you too.” He whispers, before he sends his voicemail to Luhan.

\--

“Woo, look at that, we’re back in China! Yixing, what does this say?” Baekhyun excitedly says, flapping his arms about. But there’s no time to waste as they’re ushered backstage, getting their last-minute check-ups and tiny details of make-up done. Sehun swallows. He’s getting nervous—but not because they’re going to perform any minute. The thing he’s nervous about was the fact that he could run into Luhan at any given moment.

“… I’ll be back.” Sehun began to leave.

“Sehun, concert’s starting in five minutes!” Junmyeon warns. Sehun nods.

“I know—I’ll be really quick.”

“Hurry up, then!”

Sehun wanders off where it’s not crowded, swallowing his nervousness. Shakily, he pulls up his contacts on his phone and jabs on Luhan’s name, before he puts it up to his ear. This time, he shuts his eyes close, gritting his teeth, willing Luhan to pick up.

Luhan’s voicemail tone reverberates through his phone.

“ _If you’re Hunnie, I’m still missing you very dearly_.”

Sehun pauses. He waits for the beep to tell him to leave a message. But there’s nothing at all, and his phone’s unbearably silent. Sehun opens his mouth and closes it repeatedly, breathing in and out. He licks his lips.

“… This isn’t voicemail, is it?” Sehun says calmly, even though it feels like he’s trying to burst from the inside. There’s a pause—a long one—before the other voice replies back.

“ _I guess it’s not_.” Luhan says softly.

Sehun grips his phone.

“ _How’ve you been, Hunnie?_ ”


End file.
